Couples don’t grow similar. They start similar.

I've blogged about couples recently in the series on relationships and the doshas. Now a new study seems to confirm a lot of what Ayurveda has to say about your personality traits and how they affect your relationships.

It seems like common knowledge that when couples have been married for a long time, they seem to become more similar in their looks and personalities. New research, though, from psychologists at Michigan State University and the University of Minnesota, finds that couples in long marriages, totaling up to 39 years of wedded connection, are no more alike in fundamental personality traits than they were as newlyweds.

The scientists found that people do not, in fact, grow more similar as years go by, but that it is common that people look for specific traits in a spouse and they end up choosing someone much like themselves. Aggression was the only exception. If one spouse was physically aggressive, the other was likely to become aggressive as well.
The study included 1,296 couples who were married for an average of 19.8 years.

Another Ayurvedic idea that came out was when one of the scientists said, “Marrying someone who’s similar to you may increase the likelihood that you’ll pass those traits on to your children.”

So, opposites don't attract after all? Not necessarily. Personality traits, which the study focused on, tend to remain constant (and consistent with the Ayurvedic constitution) throughout life.

But other lifestyle behaviors, like hobbies and interests, change as life goes on and are also parts of what makes us who we are.